I miss those moments

I miss the moments with you, how we spent our time together, doing anything together hemm...when return to my home, I hope the time pass quickly haha... because I can't wait to see you again...

I really love to watch movie with you, eating with you and talking at night until we fall to sleep...Sometimes I even want to see your face in the dark while you are sleeping...Sometimes I'm also even to make sure that you are still breathing in your sleep huhu....because I really want to protect you...but silly me haha... and you also had make a fun to me toward that matter! I'm so furious at that night!!! I'm still remember it haha...you pretend by holding your breath and you did not answer me when I call your name...Chez...haha...

I'm still remember the last time we fight, haha... I were so guilty and sad at the same time, my tears fall down as I can feel that you are fed up with me and wants to be separate from me...at that moment I feel my heart is crushed and cold...

But then, you return and back to me, hug me and comforting my feeling, I can't hold back my sadness and I just cry in front of you, and you apologized from what had happened which I think I'm the one that should ask for apology from you...I'm very grateful to have you in my life, I'm so lucky to be the most luckiest and happiest person in this world, which I feel that, as my dream come true...thanks...

I will always miss the moments with you dear, because even money cannot compare to those wonderful,beautiful memories with you and especially about yourself!

Always give to others...

I read and read, of other people's life, in the social Network. . .If you know what I meant haha. . . sometimes I annoyed and irritated by those things, I don't like the fact that I am nothing to them. . .during 2 Years of joining it, it realized me about something that I hated the most. . .being forgotten. . . and it is true, I Hated it so much. . . I always see the reality that I am nothing to anyone amongst them, they just sweet talks and promising something that they do not mean to. . . This is suck because I have to write it down so people or no people will read my feelings. . . I'm turning my back to them, trying to ignore and forget all of them. . .

Previously, I'm so stupid that trying to get their intention, now it is time for me to be cold blood with them. . . Now lets just forget about me and I will forget about you too. . .

But someone still contact me and I really appreciated her, I am joyful and delighted as I see her name appear in my phone, but, I'm already chose my decision and with this decision, we will be alright. . .
I know someday you will be very happy to meet the one you are looking for in friendship, never lets the past block your way to reach that happiness in friendship.
I'm always try to explore and understand your feeling, because I never run my thought about your happiness. . .

I'm apologize for things that happened in 2008 and 2009. . . I done it without unexpectedly, I afraid that you will leave me, so I prepare myself and built as much as barrier in my heart so that I don't have any sadness toward the end of the Bestfrienship. . .

Knowing you is the Happiest things that ever happened in my life, but few things make me me disappointed. . . I Become selfish because of that, I let my heart open and search the one that will see me as her most important Bestfriend in her life. . . because I'm addicted to the equal feeling between friendships, which; as much she is important to me, I am also as much important to her. . .and I finally found her...

But I know you never meant to hurt my feelings, but I'm also not regret for what had happened to us, It is already written and I will always going to see you as my meaningful friends. . .

Wrong understanding

I can't control others thoughts or their act, they did it just like that and now turn to be the misunderstanding between us, I don't know how to explain it to you in order that you will be clear that it is not like what you have thought... i know you will be angry and resent for this matter, I'm also do not expect it to be like that. . . i can't control their mind. . .

I know, I have promised to you that I will never involve you toward this thing, and I tell them directly by myself, but I still don't understand why they must think that you are part of this matter. . . But maybe because they are sure that both of us always discuss things together and closed with each other!
YES!no doubt that both of us are so closed, and I'm also admitted it. But sometimes it's so complicated that things like this happened.

Best-friend is something that people typically think will be built in a long term. . . But I met you just several years ago, and it's still not more than 2 years. . .but You are the Best-friend that i really love so and cherish forever in my life. . . so please be patient with this situation. . .

It is not their intention to get you involved, but it is naturally are. . . they know we are Best-friend forever, so it's natural for them to tell this matter to you and maybe. . . you are much easier to reach than myself. . .

So please don't let it pressure you, it's not as bad as you think dear. . .so throw away that Bad mood and smile back for your family and ME!

World inHabited

I can feel that our world is angry to us, i can feel it from the way she treat us, the way she makes us fear with the chaos and the way she presented it (of course with the consent and the power of Allah S.W.T) . . . some people that dwell in this world might noticed it too, and some people are not, they are too blind or too busy taking care of their own life and materials. . .but the Doomsday would come to us, and she will let it all go, and only the believers and repent to Allah S.W.T will be insyaAllah alright. . .

Today, i saw one of the factory near my house, it polluted the air with poisonous smoke to the air we breath now. . . i saw the smoke blend with the blue sky, and the cloud which is pure white, are now turn to ashes gray. . . the blue sky slowly vanished and crowded with dark gray's cloud, the cloud vomiting the contaminated substance from it's body, wish that the poisonous will burst out from it's body. . . now that poisonous hits us back, to the food that we feed. . . such and irony story for us. . .people kill people, poisoning their own kind. . . and worse, without knowing it. . .

me, myself, also can't help my own kind, because i don't do anything about it, so be careful when choosing your food ya?

Here, i want to remind myself that i need to do something about this crime or maybe able to voice it out? but it's hard, i know. . . it is easy to writes but to make it happened?. . .it takes more than just words. . .

Feel like a Trapped

I feel like inside and outside of me is trapped, stuck, unable to reach my freedom and control, like I'm in the Drama that i usually consider as melancholic haha...but it happened to me and i experienced it myself, it really feels like . . . annoyed and depressed.

I want to make my Best Friend happy by doing something that will make her happy and excited, and as much that I like to do it, I know I cant perform it because I need others to decide for me. . .

When I'm home, I'm changed, and honestly I hated being here, it is because of the noise and the reality of being trapped here. I need my quiet,personal space of myself. . . and i can see it clearly that, i only can get it when I'm old enough and have my own earnings...

In my Mind, this is child's position toward their siblings and parents... and i must accepted the fact that i need to make my family as the first priority in my life even that i have the sentiment of it's not true...

I'm also didn't have my own stance, I thought I could forget it or ignored it, I know I'm ain't that strong to let it fall off and lose the things that I cherished most in my life. . .

If the person able to understand my situation now, it will makes me delighted and make my day meaningful ever. .

I miss YOU

I waiting for this moment....
to have a desireto write again...
padahal esok pagi ni ada paper haha...
but something that come from the flash, it makes me feel so deeply sad, i miss her again...
i miss my friend, she so nice, energetic, sporty, childish sometimes, perfectionist?, complicated, weird, challenging but mostly i like her regardless whatever she is.
but we were lost contact now, i hope she read this post, the feeling of me about her..

(this is not gayish thing k? when i'm about expressing my emo, i'm soundin mostly like this, bla bla euw euw things)

i dont know what is wrong between me and you, i just cant keep up with you bcoz it is hard to understand you, and i hate it very very very much. i'm not someone that you can count on and look up, but i can honestly give you a hand of bestfriend... i'm not a good person...inside me, there are many secrets and pains that are unbreakable...i cannot tell you about those things. because i can see that you are too good for me. i not prefer this solution that we have gone through now, because in my daily life, some part of the time i spend thinking about you. like tonight... while studying, i remember about you. i know you have someone which is lovely and perfectly for you. where you can count on and be there whenever you need someone to listen and give a hand to you...honestly i'm so happy about that, because theres someone that can do all the things that i wanted to do for you that i will never can do for you. i always said it. be there for you. but i never realize it... it just a words from my heart...

i think, when you read this, my heart will be beating faster, because honestly...even receiving your calls, it makes my hand's wet and i'm so nervous...see i so bla bla again... i'm complicated and i'm not expecting other person to know who i am really are. i am happy for being i am...

please don't think that i want your attention or whatever it is...because this is me for being me...i am little by little to accept the things that we had gone thru, and i want you to be happy for the rest of your life. appreciated and grateful for everythings that you have now.

Who wants to be alone?

this feeling was with me again
i dont know what it is
i like to open my mouth to say it out
but i only can watch u from here
i just want to see you everyday of my life
i still wake up even when the moon is comes up and till the sun finally need to shine
i just wanna see you again today
it makes me lived in mystery
that makes me who i am today
i love to see you again
but i dont want you to find it out...

i hurt someone,..out of my head...suddenly makes me feel guilty...
shit...arghhh....
baby, i want you to take this sadness in me...
or i might hurt someone else again...and again...again...
becoz i was waiting for you to release me...

Confession of Confusion

What happend to me? i barely to breath nowdays...i cant sleep at night and mostly i'm staying up until the sun rise...shit...hated this situation as it's disturb me at my morning class and 2 till 6 pm class...because i'm feel so sleepy at the class. i'm envy to my roomie as she can easily to fall into slumber...

futhermore...

i keep thinking about someone...how much i wanna tell this feeling...but i keep turning off this feeling...feel like i'm cheat to someone i care...what more bullshit about it is...when i meet that person, it's like i wanna scream and bang my head at the WALL!!! i want that person realize something from me! but when i talk to that person, i keep shiting it...i rise my voice and being totally jerk to that person...i want that person to remember me...FxxK this is nonsense bodoh talk...i had been nice to the person but it hurts me even more...10o% tak berguna duh.....