It Is True, The More You Give The More You Get!

Alhamdulilah, I'm passed my IT Library Infrastructure v3 of Foundation huhu... Tak sia2x these few days of studying hard and paying attention hardly in the class hehehe~~ by the way thanks to Sir Noordin which had helped us a lots!! sangat BEST when listening to your lecture and explanation, and your effort to ensure that we are understand with the course... Thank you again for always remind us to do our prep and do our own revision n_n...

Again thanks to the other trainer Dennish D'Meanest haha...for the extra value of information which had HELPED US a LOTS! Really really appreciated it n__n! and thanks to the inspired korean drama hehehe~~ God Of Study hehehe~~ which contribute energy and motivation to me in order for me to be more aggressively and spiritually to strive for successful and achieve the best for this certificate~~ even thou I failed Project Management huhu..hopefully I can cover that one, with my ITIL certificate n_n...

Therefore, It is true when you give more, you will get more, I managed to realize my goal when I Set up my Critical Success factor which are to Study, Test, Check, Study and Re-do until the end hahaha~~~ It is fun to study actually...I think God Of Study have inspire me a lots and burn up my spirit ^^v! Thanks again!!!

SEDIH~~

Aku GAGAL dalam Project Management EC-Council.....

SAD

shittt...This makes me feel useless fool...

Heart Still Unknown~~

Today is seems to be normal for me, people may perceived normal is good, but NOT for me...I wanted something excited will happened...need an activity that can make me forget something that I not wished to remember, because I will turn off and become k desperately moody if I remember it~

walaupun sudah beratus kali untuk membuatkan diri ini berfikiran positive~ namum hati ini tetap mengetahui perkara yang sebenar, aku tahu aku bukan untuknya, dan dia mempunyai seseorang yang boleh memberi kebahagiaan pada dirinya, itu dah cukup obvious kot~~... Hanya mengharapkan kejujuran dari persabahatan kami boleh mengeratkan perkenalan kami...

I am trying to not to text you too much or very often because it seems that I feel like I am desperate enough to get your attention~ sometimes it's hard to admit it, tanpa dia disisi, diri ini tidak sebahagia or se~happy yang dulu, semasa bersamanya... perlukah aku terus menerus untuk mendapatkan secebis perhatian daripada mu~~~

This is me~ now and later...I will always be here...for you...until the end...I will always waiting for you...without you notice it, I will always try to protect you, put a shelter for you, from rain and storm...This is me, FOR YOU ONLY...I know that there will be a another person that willing to do that for you,but because of that, I hope I can be an extra for you...

huhuhu~~~ kamu bersama si dia, aku menunggu di sini, adakah hati mu masih tidak mengetahuinya kerna hati ini masih lagi untuk ~~~.....

Try to make it slow as slow as possible

Tonight is pretty much my heaven day because I managed to listen and talk with the person that I most love, appreciated and cherished...hanya dengan bercakap and mendengar suaranya, hati ini dapat merasakan kegembiraan dan mengurangkan sedikit rasa rindu padanya.... looking back at today's calender...dah masuk 10 hari berpisah dengannya tapi, dah terasa sangat lama berpisah dengannya~

Eventhough I know that it will be hard for us to be together like before, Myself keep pushing me to be positive with it... I know very well about it~...kegembiraan dan kebahagiaan mengenalinya akan sentiasa berada di hati! and my objectives will be start at this moment...I will try to realized it, no matter how hard it is, I MISS YOU SO MUCH!...

Apa yang kita rancang tidak semestinya akan berjaya 100%...kita hanya mampu merancang dan Tuhan akan menentukannya~ Usaha dan Doa are the best medicine to fulfill our dreams and objectives. So I will try to fight for it~... since you are part of my dream, I will always be by yourside, in sunny and rainy's day, just text me or call me, I will be very happily to pujuk~pujuk you or accompany you until you are sleep or being Happy again~~ and don't worry....lets take it as slow as possible...

First Day of "Back to University Life" ~~

It been a long time for me to stay at hostel and sharing bathroom + toilet with more than 99 people haha

There a pros and cons to stay in hostel~ the first thing that I like the most staying in hostel are "Staying with a person that I most comfortable with and love to spend time chit chat with"~ " Talking with them in the middle of night" ~ " Kacau 'Jiran Sebelah bilik"" ~ "eating, bathing, and studying together hohoho"


The other thing that I hated the most are "basuh baju using manual way (you know what I meant =__=!)"~ "waiting for your turn to mandi in peak hours (monday-friday between 6-7 a.m)"~"Basuh baju in vending washing machine kena beratur panjang se~sangat" hahahaha...There's a lot but these a few things that I most feel like to hated haha~

Experience staying kat rumah sewa and hostel sangat berbeza haha~ and both of it I liked, sebab as long as I have FRIENDS to share my life with, then it will be fine !

But tak lama lagi dah nak graduate huhu ~_~! already made a confession with them which lets make a reunion in the FUTURE! I want to meet with them again! SERIOUSLY!

Bila lagi nak experience this moment right?! so FULLY APPRECIATED it NOW! because it comes once in your LIFE ~_^!

Moment to Remember

Moment to remember~~ As I am reaching to my final day of student's life, I got to settle and packing all my old and new stuffs and books in order to send them back at my home sweet home, I will miss my buzy, lazy, messy, crazy and comfy memories at my lovely rent house ~~

while trying and struggle to finish up my packing session, there are so many things that made me to think about past, history, memorable moment and etc... it feels that I am flash back to the past hahaha....if i could turn back time...rasa masa sangat singkat, and wish that I kenal dia lebih lama haha~~!...

And then nampak benda ni hehehehe~~~ this thing sangat memorable for me~~ because this is the first gift my best friend gave to me hehehe~~~ so sweet...like this chocolate...even that I not really like to eat chocolate, yet execuse to dark chocolate and from her's hahaha... and the watch! but sadly, run out of battery huhu... but I will never throw it away~~!

and then this! Writing my name with japanese characters. I got to take this picture, because I still remember that moment. Until today, it's still very fresh and clear in my mind~~ and sometimes I laughed all by myself...macam orang gila hahaha...even in the exam hall! and no

wonder why the invigilators always kept an eye on me hahaha....
I am really grateful with the gift that I received from Allah, I hope that someday I will able to meet you again my beloved friend...

At that night, Aku pun ditemani oleh dua mahluk sexy and CUTEST! guinea pig housemate's friend yang stay dirumahku hahahaha~~ rasa kesian pula sebab masa kemas~kemas barang...these two creatures asyik terkejut saja hahahaha =__=!!....and introduce you...sebelah kanan tue JERENY and kiri JEREMY hahaha~~...

Staying in your Heart~

Friendship is beautiful and the greatest wonders in this world...without them I will feel lonely, despair, and lost...

For me, Dunia ini indah bila bersama dengan teman yang memahami dan menyayangi dirimu seadanya, friends are the beautiful person that always be there for you in sadness and happiness, dalam kesenangan dan kesusahan... namun pernah jua diri ini terlupa seketika dengan pegangan ini, hingga menyebabkan hatinya terluka...I'm sorry...it's not my attention to hurt your heart, my friend...

Diri ini cuba berfikir se-positive yang mungkin, bila bersama yang lain, men-yedap-kan diri, with assuming that my bestfriend will be okay with it...But hatinya siapa yang tahu...dia terpaksa menghadapi kesakitan hatinya sendiri, tanpa adanya aku disisinya...

Disaat ini, cuba untuk mengambil hatinya kembali, mengambilkan senyuman diwajahnya dan bersama mencipta kenangan indah bersama, sebelum perpisahan ini, perpisahan yang sementara ini..together with other beloved friends, I will ensure that you will be happy again and feel the fullest of life, a life with trust, trust in friendship, and believe me, friendship will always be by your side...

Seseorang yang hadir dalam hidup ini juga menimbulkan banyak kenangan terindah bersama, bersamanya, semua kegelisahan dan kepahitan yang dirasai terhapus dan lenyap sementara...alangkah baiknya bila bersama denganya selalu~~ namun walaupun jauh dimata...closed within my heart, I will always miss you...

But just like my favorite song ~ take it slow...by estrellla...when I'm listening to this song, I'm thinking about you, I just love to resemble the songs I have heard with my real life, it seems that some of the songs are like a story of our life and and the most important pieces in my life, is about you...

Coldness in Hati~~

Now I realized it... memang susah jadi diriku sendiri...memerlukan masa untuk kembali jadi dulu, dulu yang happy dan tanpa rasa kesukaran dalam hati... terseksa rasanya bila rasa macam ni...

everyday keep thinking of you, hurting my heart a lots...just by knowing you are not around here anymore...I should make some adjustment now... I need it now... Can someone help me, help me calm and warm again ?

sekejap rasanya mengenali dirinya...masa yang diberi untuk mengenalinya cukup membuatkan aku merasakn masa ini berlalu begitu laju...tanpa ku sedar, perasaan untuk mengenalinya lebih kuat dari sebelum ini, does she feel the same way too?

Boleh ke diri ini menunggu lagi? tunggu hingga tiba masa itu...ku harapkan yang terbaik untuk kami...ku harapkan diri ini boleh menerima apa saja takdir yang diberi oleh-Nya...ku harapkan perasaan ini menjadi neutral dan boleh melupakan semuanya yang menyakitkan hati ini...

I don't want it to be the end for us.... I want it to be the beginning for us...

Totally Right About It

Obviously tonight I will shed a tears, I knew it! I hate it! I wished that I can be strong, stronger than before, because it is hard to feel like this, I don't want to keep this feeling forever, it only bring emo to me, and sometimes, I prefer if I don't have any feeling at all, but without feeling, I will feel nothing, empty, null and dull... so this is confusing me a lots.

Till now I am still writing out my feeling, hopefully that from here, from time to time, I will cure myself up and being able to breath freely without thinking too much about the matter that will not bring any possibility or chances. Praying that there will be someone that only mean for me and I will LOVE them forever.

I know why you happy and I also know why you sad, at the middle of night or at the time that you need somebody, I felt the instinct and I knew, it calling for me... I want to be there forever, I just want to lend you my ears and shoulder and to comfort you, it is something that I love to do, and it because that I really adore you.

You are so fragile,so smooth and gentle, your funny act and your voice feed my heart with the sweetness of life, I feel so much in paradise, just by sitting beside you and sometimes, when the wind flew through you, I can smell the sweet scent of old memories and all the lovely things that I most cherished for...

If I have superpower or magic, I really wanted that I can travel thru place and time, just to spend more time with you, to hear your laugh, to smell the same scent and to look into your face again. Money and fame doesn't matter anymore, to have you in my life is the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. Your are the one that ever make me feel this so much special and it makes me feel so much in "cloud nine" and I WISH you were here...

Watching You From Here

The day had finally arrived, I watch you go, down from here, I'm looking at your back, the thought of "I wish that we can meet again, and I hope that I get the promotion and let the time fly slowly, when I'm with you at that time"accidentally came thru my head, made my heart beating faster than average and I know exactly what is this sign means...

Last night was precious night for you and I, I feel Happy, Warm, and comfortable just by looking and spending time with you... It is something that I haven't feel for a quite long time... I really do love seeing you laughed with my jokes and I really love to laughed at your cutest and funny expression...it is a pieces of happiness that has brought me alive for this past few weeks...


This is something that will happened to us, if we meet someone that we like so much and want to get close with, it let us overwhelmed with the thoughts of to be always with them, want to spend night and days with them and especially when you know that maybe after this certain period of time, you will far away from them, and there is a distance between you and them...separate by place and time...


Even there is a problem and dilemma occur during our moment to close with each other, I really don't mind of it, It is fair and satisfied my soul and spirit. I know this is the cost for staying close with you, but just like I said, within this thorn world, I found happiness in it, together with you. You already gave warmness to my coldness inside... I really appreciated and touched with it...

If you are reading this, I really hope that you going to understand it, and keep it on your heart and always remember our moment together, like your text that you sent to me *REMEMBER ALL THE MEMORIES* I will always remember all the memories with you, even the bitterness and the sweetness of our memories, all of it are very precious and important to me...

This is CHANGE!

People change? is it true? YES! NO!

It can be hard and it can be easy for us to accept people to change, and sometimes change is good for us, CHANGE supposedly to improve us to be better person, and try to avoid CHANGE to be worst... people may change overtime, now or later...it is not me to make it true, do some research on it, maybe you find interesting fact about it~

Serious disease is when you cannot feel others feeling and emotion, it is the worst disease ever, you need to find a cure for it, or it will kill you silently without knowing it. I try to deny whatever that had came me, but now it keep pushing me back, push me to the edge and I'm scare to fall. It is not what I ask for, it is something that came unexpectedly, and to be frank, I need to do some soul searching, because I became whole different person, maybe the real me or pretender?

Now, this is change! I'm selfish, I'm evil, but within this thorn's world, I found happiness in it. It cure my heart and warm my coldness inside... thank you for that... And I will always remember it, FOREVER...

Without you, I suffocated

The tragedy happened once again, I make it worst, now I'm the one that should be blame..am I? why don't you just tell me what is wrong? then I can solve it..or apologize for what had happened between you and I.

Now your existences make me feel cold,awkward,like a knife stabbing through my heart, I drown alone in your world, even you didn't see it, through my eyes..my sight is not like before, I become pale just by looking into your eyes, it means something in your eyes, and I can interpret it...and obviously it says "stay away from Me". I suffocate..

I still remember, You give me that video, which is really touched my heart, even thou it is look like nothing, but it can shows your appreciation to me, I really do touched with your attention with those small things...those things keep me feel special, and depend on that feeling, thank you so much...

I want you to be honest with me, no matter how bad it is, I willing to accept it with open heart...I wish you could be true with me, because you make me feel guilty, hanging, and cold inside... I don't want this to be last forever, we don't have much time left, just confess it to me, I promised to make it better in the future...

The stupidest conclusion is that I know this will always remain like this, this letter,this expression, will be always be here, You don't even know about this, but to the reader of my blog, thank you for reading this...It is my self expression, and unexpectedly, you are already one step closer to my life story...complicated life story of mine...

Dream Last Night

Could it be real? I just dont expect it to be like this!
Fairy World or Fairy God Mother in this real world is actually our REAL COURAGE! BE BRAVE with whatever you wanted to do, because without courage, you could not do anything!

I experience it before, and it makes me very special and something you cant explain by words,
It makes me want to documented it forever, so that I can read it everyday and Night, I wish I could.

For those who wanted to do something that you REALLY WiSH to Do, Go for IT! Fight For IT and only you will know how much happiness you can get!

Thinking within, outside boundaryless

Sometime people dont expect to feel something that they assume to be the last person to think on such things, but we can't helped it...
Tonight I think too much until my body have to deal with the pain, it suck...I try to let the bad thought control my rationality and at the end of it, I still hanging like this, like now...
It's hard to realized whether you are jealous with somebody, someone that so close with you, you even imagined something that bad about them, bad thing that you dare they will do it...

"Green-Eyed Monster" or Jealousy is a secondary emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of presenting emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust. It is not to be confused with envy. (wikipedia.org)

I dont want it to be like this, but it still coming out from my heart, I hope that it will stop distrubing me...
I hated to express my self because it seems that I am desperate with attention. I usually don't care for what have happend to my friends but I just dont now why this one it keep pushing me, keep distracting me until toward this time.
I need some medicine to let my brain off for a while, so I wont feel anything, I hate to feels something like this, it turn me down and made myself feel S&%T...

Special Day For Special One

Today is Your Birthday and I wish you to have a forever happiness and wellness in your life, I will always remember you and will always protect you my friend, for me, you are the sun that brighter my day, you are the moon that will guide me through the darkness, you are the shelter that will protect me from the rain and thunder, and I Wish that I can give back all the things that you gave to me, I Wish I already had...

My Lovely Special Friends, Thank you for everything, selama ini, hanya kamu yang sangat memahami diri ini, Hanya kamu yang menyenangkan hati ini dikala kesedihan dan hanya kamu yang sudi berkorban apa saja untuk diri ini, bersyukur kepada-Nya kerana memberi ruang untuk mengenali mu dan hadir dalam hidup ini. ku berharap, persahabatan kita akan berkekalan selama-lamanya, kerana persahabatan kita amat berharga dari semua kebendaan didunia ini, Persahabatan ini memberikan banyak memori indah dan bersama mu, ku bahagia ^__^...

I hope that I can give you the world, but I only can give you my word, I wish that I can be your shadow, to follow you wherever you are, and I wish I can be your sweet dreams, to make you happy everytime you wake up and I wish I can be your very Best Friend, to be the one that you most needed and adore hehehe...

I'm sorry for everything that might hurts your heart, minta maaf sangat2x... I will always try to protect you and our friendship...and trust me, I will always care about you dan menghargai kamu... TRUST ME~~ you are the most beautiful person within and outside and for me you are the diamond in this world and the most precious for me...always n__n... Don't ever feel down about your self, because your are SPECIAL and always be...I Love you my BEST FRIEND...Happy Birthday to You ^___^

Confused Confused Realllly Shi#$#####

This is insane, my world become up side down, I keep hold myself, be brave and be hypocrite, don't i should go on with my true self?


I not like that kind of person, but from time to time, i felt that i nearly across the boundaries, and i got bad feeling about that.. this is need to be stop as quick as possible.


Why I need to be brave in such route that at the end of it...I will fall deeper than before... blind even more....fantasize longer enough that it should be...


I think i need to find the cure, the medicine that will drag me into the world without confusion and be confident on the place that i stand...

so it seems harder now, they near with me and they are really really know how to kill me slowly and silently...

Pengambaran Hidup Ku...

It hard sometimes when you want something that you should not have huhuhu...
I found that I need to control my feeling duhhh... It hard to choose things over the things that you reallllllyyyyyy wanted it... so I need to be hipokrit in order to make things easier and safe....

so it's hard to have that kind of life huhuhu....

Semalam tak dapat tidur pasal ni lah...asyik pikir kalau ikut kan perasaan ni, mesti ada disaster akan mendatang huhuhu....